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Adventures in Bondassageland
February 2012
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Mollena: Posted on Friday, February 17, 2012 7:43 AM
Got Rope?
by Mollena
People are often curious as to why a
particular play-style, pervy activity or kind of kink appeals while
others leave you cold. I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I’ll
tell you about why I so love bottoming to rope bondage.
There are forty-two reasons, on any given
day, why kinky stuff gets my tingly bits tingling. For the most part,
what I love most about BDSM is the connection with the person (or
people!) with whom I’m playing. I’m one of those bottom/submissive/slave
types who occasionally frustrates top/dominant/master types when
negotiating play.
Oftentimes, when asked “So! What do you wanna do when
we play?” I’ll respond,
“Well, what really makes YOU
hot and horny?” I’m not trying to shirk responsibility for my pleasure,
really! But my gut-level response is whatever truly pleases them will go a long, long way towards pleasing me .
“By why? Why do you do that kinky shit?” Not only do I get asked
this question quite often; it’s one I asked myself while I was trying to
figure out if I was actually going to go through with exploring BDSM.
There are plenty of whys.
At the root of my pleasure in bottoming or submitting is knowing
that the person with whom I am sharing this intimate exchange is
thoroughly enjoying the scene and having a great time playing with me.
When I get to see the smile on the top’s face, or sense their arousal,
feel the building energy and excitement as they plot their next move, as
they revel in the pleasure and pain they extract as they direct the
orchestra of sensations that I will be experiencing and feeding back to
them, I find a profound level of fulfillment. Yes, of course, there are
some styles of play I prefer over and above others, however at the
center of my sexual satisfaction is feeling connected and cared for by
my partner, and the knowledge that our dynamic is mutually fulfilling.
It is important for me to feel connected with the person I play
with, even if the type of scene we’re doing has the framework of
something humiliating or frightening. One of the most connected forms of
play in which I engage is rope bondage.
When I first became involved in the BDSM scene, I was at a play
party watching several couples doing rope bondage scenes. There was a
guy tying up some gals tits and a woman with some thin cord doing some
kinda macramé shit on this guy’s twigs-and-berries and I watched, a bit
puzzled. I didn't get it. It seems really t.
e..d...i...o...u...s and I soon wandered off to watch a scene where
three people were beating the crap out of someone shuddering and wailing
and screaming and...giggling? Yeah, giggling on the floor. That had
drama! Excitement!! Action!!! This rope shit was not capturing my imagination. Like, at all.
Want to give rope play a try? Some suggestions to get you started:
My first dominant was really
into a style of bondage commonly referred to as kinbaku, or shibari in
the USA. It’s a lot of rope, usually jute or hemp, and sometimes it is
used as a way to suspend folks off of the ground, in defiance of several
laws. Most notably, gravity. I wasn’t having any of it. As a fat chick,
I was not at all interested in looking like a tied roast about to
braise in a 450 degree oven, ya feel me?
But one of the things I love most about being submissive is that
I’ve agreed to obey. So, I found myself trussed, twisted and tied, and
somewhat taken-aback when I found myself slowing down, my senses
heightened, my state of mind smoothed out, yet amped up, as the ropes
went on me for the first time. My dominant wasn’t much of a talker while
he was in the midst of administering rope bondage, but I soon realized
that the very act of him laying yard after yard of earthy hemp rope
across my skin was its own form of communication. The rope was an
extension of his touch, and remained in place even after his hands had
passed on to the next wrap, looping the next tie around this wrist and
that ankle, over, under and around my breasts. Then I was in this kind
of between place, adrift, yet alert; present in my body in a way I’d
never been before, and yet somehow diffused throughout the network of
rope.
When I saw how he stepped back to study his handiwork, when he
whispered to me how beautiful I looked at his disposal, at his mercy, in
his ropes, I felt beautiful. I wasn’t
self-conscious about my body; my body was thrumming with limitless
energy. I was alive, alert and at his command. That was a heady thing,
and being in rope brings me to that space of feeling like the gorgeous,
helpless captive all over again.
Even the act of having the rope removed became a wondrous process.
The rope left beautiful marks that spoke eloquently of the pleasure,
discomfort and yeah, sometimes outright pain of being bound. I was being
released back into the Default World, and the connection between us was
moving back into the ethereal plane. For a while, there had been a
solid, physical manifestation of that connection, and that is a marvel
to behold.
I was hooked.
Don Sir — DonSirPhotography.com
Why do I love rope bondage?
The loss of control over parts of my body is deeply intoxicating.
The idea that movement itself, the one thing since birth that we
struggle to achieve and maintain, is now in the hands of someone else —
that is something dangerous. Excitingly so.
It occurs to me that the secret wormhole I find when doing bondage
is not just the loss of control: it is the deeper sense that every
segment of rope is touched and energized by the person applying the
bondage. That focused intent, that specificity can elevate the inanimate
rope to its own heightened state. It is as though every section of rope
is imbued with and carries the energy, control and caress of the one
who is in control of it.
As the bondage becomes more binding or more complex, it is as though
you are held in a physical manifestation of the thoughts of the person
slowly taking from you the control of your limbs, skin, body — rope
bondage can get to the point where even your breathing is restricted by
the rope top. Imagine if every caress you felt while making love lasted
and abraded and caressed and marked your skin in an after-shock of taut
tension and sensation.
It is an echo that intensifies instead of fading.
It is a restriction that frees you to struggle and relinquish your control.
If you add to that the many textures of rope, it is even more .
Engaging. Soft silk ropes, slick serpentine nylon, earthy heady
hemp, scritchy jute, stiff cotton. All of these have their own notes in
the symphony of surrender. Simple, elusive, complex, difficult, joyous,
terrifying, soft, brutal, beautiful.
I have many friends who are “riggers,” the term sometimes used for
people who do the rope wrangling in a bondage scene. There’s a certain
degree of technical skill needed to achieve the more complex types of
rope bondage, and I do love being able to let myself go in the hands of
those people who know what they’re doing. Sometimes, scenes can take
weeks of prep, days of planning, and hours to execute. Sometimes they’re
big, grandiose performances and I love that. Sometimes it’s just a
simple piece of cotton rope around your wrists, holding your hands above
your head as your lover whispers to you of the beautifully awful things
they’re about to do to you. I love that, too.
Whatever the set and setting, exploring rope bondage is a wonderful
path to erotic intimacy. I hope to keep exploring this path for as long
as I have friends and lovers for whom a hank of rope and a willing
victim puts a twinkle in their eyes, glimmering with the promise of
sweet surrender and agonizing sensual bliss.
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Jaeleen: Posted on Wednesday, February 15, 2012 11:23 AM
Best Bondage Erotica 2012
Review
Mia Moore
As someone who has only read the highest class of smut from far
too early an age, say Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty series at age 12, I
can highly recommend Best Bondage Erotica 2012 for both the kinky minded
and vanilla alike.
The book is 226 pages of bondage from both sides of the male and
female paradigm, which is markedly different than the normal male
dominated, literally and fictionally, bondage novels.
Best Bondage Erotica is edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel with a forward by renowned bondage artist, Midori.
These stories made me hot, made me squirm, and reading the book had
to be broken up over several days, as I had to take breaks. Study
breaks, if you will.
The story by Elizabeth Coldwell, called A Night at the Opera, where a
woman dominates her lover during an opera performance, gives me chills
and makes me think of Milan’s famous La Scala opera house, where I’d
love for this to happen to me.
And Laced by Elizabeth Silver, which contains a male on male was so
viscerally arousing, and yet so tender for a hard-edged story about sex
and domination.
This anthology features 21 short stories, so the reading is very
quick, like verbal porn, just enough to get you hot and get you off, but
linger in your imagination. And you know what they say; a dirty mind
is a terrible thing to waste.
Thanks to Cleis Press for providing this book in exchange for a fair review!
www.bondassage.com
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Posted on Friday, February 10, 2012 11:35 AM
5 Valentine's Day Surprises That'll Get You Laid - For the Ladies
There's less than a week til that holiday we love to hate and much of
what makes Valentine's Day difficult to bear is the pressure put on
guys to be "the man" and get their chicks some kind of boat or pony to
show they love them fo' realz. But spending big bucks on a present that may or may not make a
difference is not in the picture for most of us these days, and honestly
ladies -- you've gotta stop expecting your guy to do all the work.
So here are 5 affordable ways to show the guy of the moment (or the
one you want to keep around for a while) that you care -- and that
you're definitely interested in getting laid that night.
1. Role-play. With Costumes. Ask any guy -- one of several ultimate fantasies involves his partner
wearing some kind of get-up that resembles a super-hot female figure
from pop culture (or real life). Some usual suspects? Princess Leia.
Jessica Rabbit. Lara Croft from "Tomb Raider." Any character portrayed
by Angelina Jolie. Whatever his turn-on, try putting together an ensemble that gives him the right idea.
And if fantastical ladies aren't his bag, use the tried and true
French maid or naked chef (with an apron for safety) idea. Don't make
him wait until Halloween to see you wearing a sluttified version of an
everyday outfit.
2. Cook. Food and sex -- believe it or not, they're up on there on guys' "want
all the time" scale higher than oxygen and high-5's. And who wouldn't
want to come home from work/play to find he's got a full meal waiting
for him and he doesn't have to do a damn thing in order to eat it?
Figure out his favorite food and see if you're capable of making it.
Surprise him with a nice spread (pun intended) and if you're feeling
extra saucy (pun also intended) serve him wearing just an apron and a
smile. Make sure to drop a napkin more than once and give him a good show as
your bend, twist and reach for it. And no need for dessert, as whatever
he eats after he takes that last bite of steak is up to him.
3. Plan a Bedroom Adventure. This takes a bit of time and thought, but if that's a problem for you, you might want to rethink your goals. At this point you and your man probably have boned a few times and
you might have picked up on a few of his favorite sex positions - and
possibly a few he'd like to try but you haven't felt up for yet. Show your man how much you want him -- and want to please him -- by
rallying, stretching and prepping yourself for some selfless sex. He'll love knowing you spent at least a few minutes thinking about
exciting ways for him to fuck you and you to suck him, and if he sees
some sexy accessories by the bed his boner will be at full mast before
you touch your toes.
4. Practice Tantric Sex You've read about it, seen Sting talk about it on Oprah, but it still
seems like a completely fantastical act that only hippies and Grammy
winners practice. Not true.
It's not as hard as it looks. (That's what she said?)
5. Use Sex Toys. Yeah yeah, we all say we love sex toys, but chances are we probably
haven't dived into the couples toy world as deeply as we probably
should. There are apprehensions and nerves to bypass, and it's not
always easy to get him in the mood using something with a whirring
motor.
So how about getting a few sex toys that are made specifically for
his pleasure that you also can use together? The Fleshlight and other
masturbator sleeves make handjobs feel better than ever, and you can
make eye contact and all kinds of sexy talk to each other as you slowly
work him with your newly vagina-ized hand.
Or bring over a cock ring, especially one with a vibrator. This will
make his cock and balls look even huger than they already do (ahem) and
give him an extra-hard erection thanks to its blood flow control.
And with a vibrator you (aka your clitoris) gets some pleasure, too.
Chances are that little vibrating cock ring might give you an enhanced
orgasm as you're fucking, which will make you feel like a million bucks
and him feel like a fucking STUD.
But if sex toys ain't your bag, pick up some special lube -- flavors
can be fun -- or maybe some massage oil. That stuff is much easier to
introduce to a sex toy phobe and are still hella fun to use together.
Just remember -- this sex toy shopping trip is for him. Remember that
"Simpsons" episode in which Homer bought Marge a bowling ball for her
birthday? Do you think he really purchased that gift with his
blue-haired wife in mind? Nope. So don't pull a Homer - leave the glitter, pink bows, and rhinestones for your own personal pussy time. |
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Posted on Thursday, February 09, 2012 1:42 PM
Our First Sex Toy
Posted by Anonymous
Jan 30, 2012
I was never the type of guy who thought I would ever use any type of sex toy.
That was until I got with my fiancé who opened up a new world for me
and her. She’s the kind of girl who knows what she wants in the bedroom,
and you sure as hell better give it to her. She slowly introduced me to
my first sex toy, but that wasn’t our last!
One night while we were talking, she mentioned how much she would love for me to use a vibrator
on her. I wanted to but she’s been my only partner and I never bought a
sex toy. Of course I was a bit embarrassed when I knew she was sending
me to the store to look for a treat for her. Leaving the house with
money in hand, and my stomach was in knots. How did I know what to get
her? All I could think about was wanting to please her, so I knew
exactly where I was heading. I nervously opened the door and all I saw
was porn. I walked inside and started to look around. A man asked if I
needed any help, so I joked about coming in here and not having a clue
what to get. He made a few suggestions and I went with something pink.
It’s her favorite color. Walking up the stairs to our apartment seemed
to take forever. She looked my way with a huge smile on her face. “You
actually went” she said. I tossed her the box, and she didn’t hesitate
to open it. Within the next year, I discovered new ways to make her
world spin. My curiosity was starting to get to me.
The next toy we bought was a butt plug.
She was never interested in anal till the past year or so. I slowly
gained her trust and showed her all the pleasures she had been missing
out on. To my surprise, she was the one who bought the plug and lube. I
was shocked to see that she enjoyed anal that much. I was even more
surprised to see the size she had picked. She admitted to me it was much
larger than she expected, but with a little patience and lots of lube,
she was in heaven. Another purchase she made shortly after was two more
plugs. I had never suspected that she would love anal so much. I love
the fact that she always wants a plug in during sex. It’s really sexy,
and knowing she can get off from anal alone is a turn on in itself. I
love that she enjoys it so much mainly because I was the one who made
her love it. Which is rare when it comes to sex, shes normally showing
me what I like!
Our next purchase was the first one for me. It included a few c-rings
and a lovely masturbator. My girl knows me apparently. She was the one
who suggested we get these items. A masturbator is something every guy
has to try at least once. I rarely masturbate, so I didn’t see a need
for one. If I’m horny, I just get laid. Then I started thinking of all
the fun things that I knew she would do to me with it. So we ordered it
and used it as quick as we could get the packaging off and wash it. It
was like a gift sent from god. Having more toys for the both of us just
means more foreplay and more fun! The masturbator feels life-like and
you can have a lot of fun when it comes to partner play.
The c-rings she had bought were a new experience I didn’t even know
was possible. My girl was pleasantly surprised to find my cock was much
thicker. Since I have ordered my rings, I wear them every time we have
sex, and it has made it a new experience for us both. I get amazing head
for hours a day because my girl loves the way the veins pop out of my
cock when I wear it. I love the results we both get from me wearing one.
It’s funny how a simple ring can cause such a drastic change in your
sex life. But if people have been using c-rings as long as they have,
somethings got to be good about them! C-rings really are a must have for
any man who is sexually active. If you don’t own one then you are
really missing out.
My girl has turned a virgin into a sex addict. I feel that I am lucky
to be with her. She keeps showing me new sides of sex I never would
have had the courage to try without her next to me.
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Posted on Monday, February 06, 2012 6:56 AM
5 Less Obvious Places to Touch Each Other
There are some perks to being a Human Sexuality major — and I’m not
just talking about its potential as a pick-up line. Take the time I used
my favorite places to be touched during sex as a way of remembering
where we have the most nerve endings. Or my discovery — thanks prof! —
that the parts of our body with the least amount of hair have the most
nerve endings. Some of the nerve-rich areas are pretty obvious — lips,
genitals, duh. But then there are body parts — with sparse to no hair —
that don’t get nearly the amount of attention they deserve. Try these
next time you’re in bed with someone:
- The ear. Try light wisps of warm breath over the ear and maybe some small nibbles at the top during your next make-out session.
- The collarbone. It is such a delicate part of the
body that someone else’s soft kiss there can bring you to that romantic
Bright Eyes love poem kind of place.
- The hip bone. This is like the center of movement
during sex. Any stimulation here will have a ripple effect on the rhythm
of what’s going on. Consider a firm grab of the hips or even a little
biting if you’re in the neighborhood.
- The inner thigh. This is a good place to go for a
tease before jumping in. It can be especially sensitive when your
partner is sitting legs apart — the feeling of vulnerability tends to
heighten the senses.
- The back of the knees. This tends to be the most
overlooked sensitive spot. Check in here while roaming down your
partner’s body, or perhaps when their legs are flung near your face.
– Jewely Hoxie |
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Posted on Friday, February 03, 2012 9:57 AM
It's always fun to DIY!
5 Sexy Homemade Gift Ideas For Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day
is approaching, and if you’re short on cash, homemade gift ideas are
your best bet. They’re sweet and romantic, without breaking the bank.
Plus, a homemade gift is much more special than any store bought one.
Here are five you don’t want to pass up on.
Chocolate Covered Strawberries
No, you don’t have to make a trip to your local gourmet chocolate
store and spend a ton of money to get a nice box of chocolate covered
strawberries. These are easy to make at home and can be easily dressed
up for Valentine’s Day with an inexpensive box and some tissue paper.
If you do have some money to spend, you definitely want to go quality
here. Get quality, organic strawberries and high quality melting
chocolate. Simply dip the strawberries in the melted chocolate and set
on a piece of wax paper. Refrigerate until they’re hardened and then
arrange them in your decorative box. Voila! Way better than any box of
chocolates you buy at the store.
If you want to get creative, look up some recipes on how to use white
and milk chocolate together. When you gift them to your partner, make
sure to include eating them sensually with a bottle of inexpensive champagne. That’s the best part of all!
Budoir Photos
Get your digital camera and take some sexy photos of yourself in lingerie
and then again, in various stages of undress. If you have a friend that
you trust to do this, employ them to help you so you can get some
better quality photos. Upload them to a free online video editor (or a
really good program if you happen to have one, but free editors are good
too) and fix blemishes, add a filter if you like or even make it black
and white for a really great look.
Once they’re done, print them out on a home photo printer (no, these
aren’t ones you can send to your local photo developer) and either frame
a few of your favorites or put them in a special book for your lover.
If you don’t have a photo printer, make a digital collage and send it to
him with a sexy email. He will love being able to look at you instead
of porn when he’s feeling randy. Of course, he’ll still look at porn too, but your photos are likely going to be his special favorite.
Sex Coupons
Sex coupons are always in style and extremely easy and inexpensive to
make for Valentine’s Day. You can grab some construction paper, markers
and glitter from the store if you want to go all out, or you can simply
type them out, throw a few cute clip art photos on there and print
them. Either way, sex
coupons are an excellent option if you don’t have a lot of funds for
the big day. Just make sure you actually follow through whenever your
man wants to redeem them.
If he wants to redeem a coupon for a 30 minute long blowjob
and you say you’ve got a headache, it’s like you’ve taken his gift back
to the store, just before he got to open it. So go through with
whatever you put on your coupons, whenever your guy redeems them.
Headache or not.
Cook A Delectable, Candlelit Dinner
You don’t have to go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day if you don’t
want to brave the crowds or don’t have the cash for a decent
reservation. Plan a meal that you can cook, and set the table. Most
people actually don’t eat at the dining room table, so if you set the
table with candles and everything, it’s going to seem almost – almost – like
you’re at a restaurant. If you can’t cook, order out! Just make sure
you’re sitting across the table from your beau without the distraction
of the television, your phones, the computer, etc. To make it sexy, try
cooking and eating while completely naked. Or, let him eat dinner off you.
A Sexy Treasure Hunt
Make your man go on a treasure hunt – with you as the treasure! Leave post-its with dirty messages
on them, or rose petals leading from the door all the way to the
bedroom. Use your creativity to come up with a fun way for him to find
you, so long as you’re waiting for him either naked or dressed in
something very, very sexy. He will love the suspense of looking for you,
only to find you ready and waiting for him!
Thanks for a great article, Kaylen! Find more tips for your sweetie at www.bondassage.com
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